It’s so easy to lose sight of our true selves.

Aligning your Inner and Social Voices: Insights from Martha Beck's "Finding Your Own North Star"

It’s so easy to lose sight of our true selves.

We often find ourselves torn between the expectations of society and our own inner desires.

Martha Beck, in her transformative book "Finding Your Own North Star," delves into this dichotomy, helping us understand the difference between our inner voice and the social voice.

Let’s explore how to connect with your inner voice and distinguish it from the social voice, allowing you to live a life that’s true to your core values and passions.

Understanding the Inner and Social Voices

Martha Beck describes the inner voice as the authentic, true self – the part of us that knows our deepest desires and aspirations. It’s the voice that guides us towards our own "North Star," leading us to fulfilment and joy.

Conversely, the social voice is the external influence, shaped by societal norms, expectations, and pressures. It’s the voice that often tells us what we "should" do, based on others’ expectations rather than our own true desires.

The goal for a happy life is to align the two as much as possible. That way everyone’s happy!

1. Identifying Your Inner Voice

Your inner voice is intuitive and often speaks in whispers. It’s the gut feeling, the inner knowing that emerges when you are still and reflective. Here are some ways to identify your inner voice:

• Quiet Reflection: Spend time in silence, away from distractions. Meditation, journaling, or simply sitting in nature can help you tune into your inner voice.

• Feelings of Peace and Excitement: Your inner voice often brings a sense of peace, excitement, or deep contentment when you think about certain activities or choices.

• Authenticity: Your inner voice aligns with your true self and values. It feels genuine and true, without the need for external validation.

For me personally the two most powerful ways of connecting to my inner voice have been self refection and enquiry through meditation and breathwork.

They both allow you to truly connect to your feeling body. The one that’s absolutely on your side and knows what’s best for you.

2. Recognising the Social Voice

The social voice is louder and more demanding. It often comes with a sense of urgency or pressure to conform. Here’s how to recognize it:

• External Expectations: The social voice is heavily influenced by societal norms and expectations. It’s the voice that tells you to pursue certain careers, lifestyles, or behaviours because they are deemed acceptable or prestigious.

• Fear and Doubt: The social voice often triggers fear, doubt, or anxiety, pushing you to make decisions based on what others might think or expect.

• Validation Seeking: When you find yourself seeking approval or validation from others, it’s likely the social voice influencing your decisions.

Connecting with Your Inner Voice

To live a life that aligns with your true self, it’s essential to connect with and prioritise your inner voice. Here’s how you can start:

1. Create a Daily Practice

Incorporate daily practices that help you tune into your inner voice. This could be meditation, mindfulness exercises, journaling, or spending time in nature. Regular practice helps quiet the social voice and strengthens your connection to your true self.

2. Listen to Your Body

Your body often knows the truth before your mind does. Pay attention to physical sensations and emotional responses. Feelings of tension, discomfort, or unease can signal that you’re listening to the social voice, while feelings of peace, joy, and excitement often indicate alignment with your inner voice.

3. Set Boundaries

Learn to say no to demands and expectations that don’t align with your core values. Setting boundaries protects your energy and allows you to focus on what truly matters to you.

4. Seek Authentic Connections

Surround yourself with people who support and encourage your true self. Authentic connections with like-minded individuals reinforce your inner voice and provide a supportive environment for personal growth.

Embracing Your True Path

Living in alignment with your inner voice requires courage and commitment. It’s about making choices that honour your true self, even when they go against societal expectations. Here are some tips to stay true to your path:

1. Regular Self-Reflection

Make time for regular self-reflection to reassess your goals, values, and actions. This practice helps ensure you’re staying aligned with your inner voice and making necessary adjustments.

2. Celebrate Your Authenticity

Acknowledge and celebrate the moments when you honour your inner voice. These victories reinforce your commitment to living authentically and inspire you to continue on your path.

3. Be Patient and Compassionate

Change doesn’t happen overnight. Be patient with yourself as you navigate the journey of connecting with your inner voice. Practice self-compassion and recognise that it’s okay to make mistakes and learn along the way.

Some Inspiration for Your Journey

Watching Recommendation 🎥

"The Power of Vulnerability" by Brené Brown - This TED Talk explores the importance of being true to oneself and embracing vulnerability as a path to connection and authenticity.

Reading Recommendation 📘

"Untamed" by Glennon Doyle Glennon Doyle's memoir encourages readers to trust their inner voice and break free from societal expectations, providing a powerful narrative on self-discovery and authenticity.

"The Good Life Project" Hosted by Jonathan Fields, this podcast explores how to live a meaningful, connected, and vital life. Guests share their journeys of aligning their actions with their inner voice, often contrasting it with societal expectations.

Final Thoughts

Connecting with your inner voice and distinguishing it from the social voice is a transformative journey.

By prioritising your true self and making choices that align with your core values, you can create a life that’s rich with meaning and joy.

Remember, the journey is unique to each person. Start by taking small steps, stay committed, and embrace the process. Here’s to living a life guided by your inner wisdom.