People Pleasing: Finding Balance Between Self-Care and Generosity
People Pleasing: Finding Balance Between Self-Care and Generosity
In our efforts to be kind and supportive, it’s easy to fall into the trap of people pleasing—constantly putting others' needs before our own.
While generosity and compassion are admirable qualities, neglecting self-care can lead to burnout and resentment.
Finding a balance between helping others and taking care of your own needs is essential for sustaining your well-being and relationships.
Having strong boundaries is also the key to building self respect as well as earning true respect from others.
The irony of people pleasing is that it can lead to the exact opposite.
This week, let's explore strategies to balance self-care with generosity, ensuring that your acts of kindness do not come at the expense of your own health and happiness.
Understanding People Pleasing
People pleasing involves prioritising others' needs and desires over your own to gain approval and avoid conflict. While it can stem from a genuine desire to help, it often leads to sacrificing your own well-being and neglecting your own needs.
1. Recognising People Pleasing Behaviours
Here are some common signs of people pleasing:
Difficulty Saying No: You struggle to decline requests, even when you’re overwhelmed or have other commitments.
Seeking Approval: You constantly seek validation and approval from others to feel worthy or valued.
Neglecting Self-Care: You put others’ needs above your own, leading to neglect of your physical, emotional, and mental health.
Strategies for Balancing Self-Care and Generosity
Finding a balance between self-care and generosity requires setting boundaries and prioritising your well-being. Here’s how you can start:
1. Set Healthy Boundaries
Establish clear boundaries to protect your time and energy. Communicate your limits assertively and kindly. For example, if you need time to rest, let others know you’re unavailable during certain hours.
2. Learn to Say No
Practice saying no to requests that don’t align with your priorities or capacity. Understand that saying no is not selfish; it’s a way to honour your needs and ensure you can give your best when you do choose to help.
3. Prioritise Self-Care
Make self-care a non-negotiable part of your routine. Schedule regular time for activities that rejuvenate you, such as exercise, meditation, hobbies, or spending time with loved ones. Prioritising self-care ensures you have the energy to support others effectively.
4. Reflect on Your Motivations
Examine why you feel compelled to please others. Are you seeking validation or avoiding conflict? Understanding your motivations can help you make more intentional choices about when and how to help others.
5. Practice Self-Compassion
Treat yourself with the same kindness and understanding you offer others. Acknowledge that you have limits and it’s okay to prioritise your needs. Self-compassion helps you maintain a healthy balance between generosity and self-care.
I’ve absolutely found that the more I fill my own self compassion bank the more it overflows. I also find that the same tends to happen with my clients and rather than being selfish or self indulgent it means they have more to give and more inclination to do so.
Embracing a Balanced Approach
Balancing self-care with generosity is an ongoing process. Here are some additional tips to help you maintain this balance:
1. Evaluate Requests Thoughtfully
Before agreeing to help, consider whether you have the time and energy to do so without compromising your well-being. It’s okay to take time to think before responding to requests.
2. Delegate When Possible
You don’t have to do everything yourself. Delegate tasks when appropriate, and encourage others to share responsibilities. This allows you to support others without overextending yourself.
3. Celebrate Your Efforts
Acknowledge and celebrate the times when you successfully balance self-care with helping others. Recognise that taking care of yourself enables you to be more effective and present in your acts of generosity.
Some Inspiration for Your Journey
Watching Recommendation 🎥 "The Power of Vulnerability" by Brené Brown. This TED Talk explores the importance of vulnerability, setting boundaries, and balancing self-care with compassion.
Reading Recommendation 📘 "Set Boundaries, Find Peace: A Guide to Reclaiming Yourself" by Nedra Glover Tawwab. This book offers practical advice on setting healthy boundaries and finding balance in your relationships.
Listening Recommendation 🎧 "Therapy Chat" with Laura Reagan. This podcast covers topics related to self-care, boundaries, and emotional well-being, offering insights on how to balance helping others with taking care of yourself.
Final Thoughts
Balancing self-care with generosity is essential for maintaining your well-being and nurturing healthy relationships.
By setting boundaries, prioritising self-care, and practicing self-compassion, you can support others without sacrificing your own needs.
Remember, you can’t pour from an empty cup. Taking care of yourself ensures you have the energy and capacity to be genuinely generous and supportive. Here’s to finding a harmonious balance between self-care and helping others.
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